A Story in 26 parts - F - J
(F)
For hours Albert paced the dungeon. His head swam with questions, ideas, words, goldfish… goldfish? “Actually I am a little peckish” thought Albert. “Well don’t eat me” said the goldfish as it swam out of Albert’s ear. “I’ll get you a sandwich”. “Tuna would be nice” smiled Albert - and the goldfish shot him a very dark look. Well, it was a dark look for a goldfish. “whatever you have then” said Albert.
There was a quiet tap at the dungeon door. A Spartanite stood there, very slender - almost womanly. “Hello Albert” said the Elf Queen, “he caught up with you then. He said he would - he’s a very determined man”. The Elf Queen then proceeded to explain how the Spartanites had worked with the Aquanauts - and had taken over the Elf Kindom. What they hadn’t realised was the extent of the takeover - and that the Elves had been converted to Spartanites - not just able to breath underwater, but to take on the physical appearance.
Albert told her what the Elf King had said - and about his parents.
“I must help you” she said. “I have a key to the dungeon, so you can escape. You will need to drain the kingdom of water. If you do it quickly enough, then you will rid this kingdom of my evil husband”. “What about you” asked Albert “and what about the others?” “Albert, be serious. If you try to save any of us, the King will escape as well - and your destiny, to be the ruler of this kingdom, will surely fail”. “But I don’t want to kill anyone” pleaded Albert “not again. I’ve only just started to live again - and I really don’t want to return to that dark place”.
The queen smiled, reached into a small bag - and produced a small, egg shaped object. Albert recognised it immediately - the Clover Stone! This was a very protective gift that Albert had been given by the Magic Smiths in the Fairy Kingdom - a stone that would bestow hope, protection and strength to anyone that had carried it. When Albert had decided to burn the kingdom and knew that he had to leave - he had passed this stone to the Queen to protect her. “Albert, you gave me this and it has kept me safe. Now you must carry it”.
Albert ran from the dungeon. Unlike any other kingdom, being a water borne one, all he needed to do was wait for the bubble spring to burst - and the door at the top of the dungeon opened, and Albert swam out. He looked to the shore and couldn’t see anyone (they’d obviously thought Albert had drowned) so with strong powerful strokes he quickly reached the side.
It wasn’t cold, so he started to immediately walk towards the far hills, where he could see a dip in the valley. He would get there and look to see how he could drain the kingdom of its water.
“This really isn’t the story I thought I’d be living now” thought Albert, thinking back to his doll’s house “and with my sword, the Clover Stone and goodness only knows what other nickknacks I’ll pick up, I’m going to need a bigger bag!” And with a resigned “hmmph” he swung his bag over his shoulder and squelched off towards the hills….
Fortunately when he came over the hill he saw that his comrads had set up camp but one thing was not right. There were no voices around and so
he took caution to be as quiet as possible. However when he entered the camp he saw bodies of trolls and goblins lying all over the floor. ” Who did
this?!” Albert shouted he was furious and confused. He was about to shout again when he heard someone say “me” .Albert turned around. He saw the most strange person standing there ” Bernice? Is that you? ” ” Yes of course it’s me ” Bernice was standing on one of the trolls’ dead bodies. Albert tried to remember the last time he saw Bernice, of course he left her
unconcious body lying on the floor of his dolls house. Albert then realised what Bernice was doing.
She was trying to take out her sword. Albert had to do this he took out his
own sword just in time to block Bernice ” We could work together ” Albert
said ” Why would I want to travel with you!? ” Bernice said ” Hold on a minute we could destroy the Spartinite together ” said Albert ” I agree ”
said Bernice and with that they both withdrew their swords and marched off
back to the lake.
(G)
“Getting closer” thought Albert “but the night’s drawing in.”
Albert and Bernice hadn’t spoken to each other in the three day trek. Neither was really sure that they could trust the other – when they slept it was fitfully, with one hand on their swords. During the second night, a badger walked between the two of them… if the nocturnal creature hadn’t yelped as loudly as it did when the two foes woke, blades glinting in the moonlight, then this story would have ended now.
But through the silence Albert couldn’t help but think back to happier times, when Bernice had looked after him… when he was bigger. He rolled over slowly so he could fully face Bernice. With both hands well away from his weaponry he slowly asked “Bernice – what happened? Why are we now apparently enemies?”
“You men are so stupid sometimes” she replied, slowly sitting up. “It really isn’t that complicated. I saw you and my sister – I saw how close and happy you were…. I saw her when you left the last time. You gave her your Clover Stone to protect her – and she so badly wanted someone to look after you that she sent me to protect you. So that’s what I did. Your camp – your friends – were already plotting how they would split your wealth and how they would deal with you should you have ever returned. I could not, would not, let them succeed.”
“But now I have a dilemma. My instructions from my sister were to protect you – but your instructions will kill my sister. So now I have to decide what to do. Do I stop you – and continue my sister’s misery or do I let you continue and effectively help kill her. I just don’t know what to do”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” asked Albert, his eyes, like Bernice’s filling with tears that glinted the moonlight like diamonds. “We could have found another way… there had to be another way”
Bernice’s tears ran freely. “There was no other way. Ever since I started charting the Rune Stones and Ogham staves I could see that this was the future. You shone through like a beacon of hope, your wisdom was gifted by the stars and the planets and you were wise like the Oak trees. My sister could see this also. Our job was to ensure that the Elfin people were happy – and we knew that you would be our saviour”
Albert stood up, walked round the embers of the dying fire and sat by Bernice. He carefully drew his cape over her shoulders and she rested her head and slept until morning.
“Now” thought Albert “now I now what we must do. Barriers have been mended, my friendship has been made whole again”
As the first ray of light broke over the trees, Albert and Bernice got up and walked towards the rock face, at the edge where the two mountains met. Albert surveyed the rocks and could see that someone had dammed up the gap.
“That will be the Aquanauts” said Bernice.
“And that’s what we need to destroy” said Albert.
And with that, the slowly started to climb down the rocks…..
gleaming with courage they both carried on walking. then suddenly they heard a loud screech, they looked around in terror. it was a Spartinite but…..It was FLYING. how could this be? they cant fly?
the spartanite swept over them and it recognised albert. “what THAT” bernice said. “dont worry about that we have to kill it or it will tell the aquanauts that i have escaped” and with that they both lashed out their swords but it was too high!
suddenly bernice saw a bow and quiver in the distance, she concentrated and it started floating towards her. “where did you learn that” said albert more than just astonished. “just a few things ive learnt away from you” replied bernice. then she fired an arrow and a hit with the first shot straight through the heart. with a loud yelp the spartanite fell to the ground.
albert rushed over to it. oh my god he said this is a wierd mutation. not many people knew but albert was a geek when it came to mutants and mutations.
“we have killed it but now we need help they can fly now” said bernice
” i dont know any one with that much skill to face it do you? asked albert
“no i dont thi…………WAIT A MINUTE i think i do. have you heard of the kalphites. and their kalphite queen they might just be our last chance. they are also letting the legendary TzTok-Jad king live with them maybe he can get some of his army to help us. ive heard kalphites lerk in the most southern point of al-kharid which is only a few days hike from here”
the kalphites are great warriors and have 2 forms a form of a bug or a flying warrior but well what can we say about teh TzTok-Jad’s they are great warriors one thing we can be assured of them they will not retreat or cower from their word if they agree to help us.
“well i geuss we must set off right now. we need help asap” exclaimed albert. and with that they set off with great anticipation
(H)
“Hang on” whispered Albert, “I’ll throw you a rope”
Bernice was sitting within a vertical shaft, staring up at Albert.
As they had approached the campsite of the Kalphites, the tiredness had caught up with them, and without thinking Bernice had triggered the trap and had fallen down the hidden shaft. Fortunately, Albert and Bernice had established a pattern of one walking in front of the other - so if one got caught with something the other would be able to react.
Albert uncurled the Vine rope from around him and lowered it down. For once, Albert was glad that he wasn’t dealing with one of his other colleagues but an Elf, because he wasn’t really sure how much weight the rope would take.
As Bernice dragged herself over the lip of the shaft, she could hear the rustling of the bushes. They both tensed, hands on swords ready.
“Who are you that dares to enter my kingdom?” cried the Kalphite Queen.
“I am Albert, vision questor” he replied, drawing himself up to full ankle height to the Queen, who emerged through the bushes with about 30 soldiers following. “oh - and this is Bernice… a very good friend of mine”.
Bernice went to say something, but Albert quickly hushed her.
“And what do you want with my kingdom?” sounded the Queen.
“Hmm. I need your help” replied Albert
“Why should we help you?”
Albert explained the Spartanites, the Aquanauts and the flooded Elfin kingdom. He pointed out the sheer cliff walls that surround the Kalphite kingdom, the areas where the blockages would be filled up, the places where they would lose control… and the flying Spartanite. A cruel smile spread across the Kalphite Queen.
“Oh yes, the flying Spartanite. Particularly impressed with that bit of work. The Aquanauts and Spartanites approached us before they flooded the kingdom…. but we, err, persuaded them not to progress their watery domination. So instead, we agreed to help them. We had heard that the Elfin Kingdom was looking to expand onto our areas (Bernice started to twitch, so Albert stamped on her feet) and we just couldn’t let that happen.
“So you let the Elf king and queen drown? After all their help to you?” enquired Albert.
“Well, that was business” said the Kalphite Queen. “My crops have been dry for the last few years, and the Aquanauts showed how I could properly irrigate my crops. We have never eaten so well”
“But at the expense of my friends” exclaimed Albert.
Albert stood up. He could stand this no longer. He had hoped that this tribe would have helped him - but instead, he had discovered that they had been turned. He started to pick up his equipment, when a small snuffling sound made him turn. They had Bernice! One of the Kalphites held his dagger at her throat, and with his other arm trapped Bernice completely.
“You idiot” said the Kalphite Queen “You, Albert had hoped to come into my grounds, with an Elfin Princess, to gain dry grounds for the Elfin people. The spartanites were right - you can’t be trusted. Well now, we have your travelling companion, so you seem to be under our control now. I believe that you have something which we need…. a Clover Stone, perhaps?” and thin, spindly fingers with long fingernails uncurled towards Albert. Bernice shook her head, but winked at Albert.
Albert slowly reached into his bag
“If I give you this thing that I have my hands on, you’ll let her go?”
“Yes”
“And you’ll release her at the same time?”
“Of course”
“Well, what do you need the stone for?”
“That’s for us to know. Hand it over”
“On three” said Albert “One.. two.. three!”
And as the Kalphite threw Bernice at Albert, Albert threw a sparkly powder towards the Kalphites. The powder quickly flashed and smoked the clearing
“down… and out that way” hushed Albert at Bernice - and they crawled out of the clearing. As they cleared the kingdom they could still hear the cries, the wails (and the choking).
“We need to flood the Kalphite plains with the water from the Elfin Kingdom” said Albert.
“I agree” replied Bernice “but why did they think we’d expand into their kingdom? Why didn’t you tell her the truth?”
“Because it was the truth - the Elf king and I had talked about it as an idea… but that was it. Obviously we had a spy in the camp… but none of that matters now - we need to get on and drain our lands again”
“Hold it!” Said Bernice ” I’ve got a better idea! ” ” What ” said one of the
Kalphite ” I’m sorry I’ve never told you but i’m a Witch ” ” a what? ” Albert
said confusingly ” a Witch ” ” Well it would have been more of a help to us
if you had told us earlier” said the Kalphite Queen ” So why don’t you do a
spell to make are lands flood with water? ” “It’s not that simple” Said Bernice ” Why not? ” Asked Albert ” Because in order to cast that particular spell I need a Clover Stone” ” A Clover Stone? ” The Kalphite said amazingly ” Surely I must have heard Wrong? ”
” No ” said Bernice ” I need a Clover Stone to cast that spell ” ” But I can’t
give this away! ” Said the Kalphite queen ” your going to have to ” said Bernice ” there must be another way! ” Said the Kalphite queen ” Theres not ”
Suddenly the ground started to shake and the earth began to crumble. There in front of them was a Humungous …………
(I)
(continued from Joshua’s comment in the “H” part of the story. See how this works?)
…. Indigo coloured warrior. He stood proud and tall, his metal helmet still glinting with the tin and bronze that formed around his head (although it did have one or two earth clods stuck to it). In one hand, he held a broadsword, a might weapon that lesser men would have struggled to hold in two hands, let alone just the one; in the other hand he held a deeply engraved hammer.
“Who dares disturb my sleep?” said the giant.
“She did!” said just about everyone, pointing at the Kalphite Queen and Bernice in equal measure (it’s a well known fact that Kalphite people will use any excuse to save their own souls).
“Bernice? Is that you?” said the warrior, peering down. Bernice stared back – this was just too strange for her.
“Well – are you going to introduce us?” said Albert, realising that his own sword would have little more effect than a pin on this man.
“Of course, of course “ Bernice, shook her head to wake herself up. “This is Arthur”
“Arthur?” laughed Albert “Arthur? Oh come on now, you really must do better than that… who are you? Really, who are you?”
“I AM ARTHUR” said the warrior, squaring back his shoulders and stiffening his grip on his sword. Albert realised that perhaps taunting wasn’t the best thing he could have done. But Arthur quickly looked at Bernice, smiled, and lessened his grip and softened slightly. “I have also be known as THOR, HERACLES and as BEOWULF; but I prefer Arthur… it sounds less pretentious”
“Okay”, said Albert “Then Arthur… what were you doing underground then?”
“Well it’s the pact I made with the greatest of all Magi, Methryn – sorry, Merlin – that once I’d completed a task to somehow protect people, or strengthen them I would sleep deep underground. I would be awoken when the Yew Horn was blown three times”
“I didn’t blow a horn” said Albert. “I didn’t hear a horn either. So has your alarm clock batteries gone duff on you?”
“I summoned you” said Bernice. She explained the problem, the Clover stone, the water – and to the group she explained why she couldn’t just move the water here. Everyone nodded that it had been a good thing – making Arthur annoyed would never have worked out best for anyone.
“My socks would have got wet” said Arthur “and that makes me really grouchy.”
“ENOUGH” cried the Kalphite Queen. “Albert, I demanded the Clover stone and with some fancy powder you handed me a rock. Now hand it over – or prepare to die”
“Oh, come on” said Albert “you’ve got to realise that I won’t hand it over. This is something which in yours hands will bring nothing but trouble. Bernice, let’s go – Arthur, if you like you can come too – we’ve some people to save”
The trio made three steps forward, when WHUMPF! Arthur crashed to the ground. The Kalphite Queen sniggered. “Oh, Arthur I forgot to mention. In your sleep we chained you to the White Dragon – so you can’t leave unless you break the chain or take the Dragon with you. But, of course, if you unearth the White Dragon then this will waken the Red Dragon…. And then it will just get silly. Again. Like last time. But this time – well, you’ll be seen to be one side instead. And as for you too..” she turned on Albert and Bernice “I guess you’ll be staying for tea as well..?”
” I beg your pardon! ” exclaimed Albert ” but if your going to treat Arthur
like that then I am not going to stand by and watch it ” ” I knew you would
say that,” Said the kalphite Queen so we attached you to the chain as well”
and she was right as Albert looked down at his feet he saw that they were
chained like Arthers. Just then a strange Silver door appeared and a strange looking duck carrying a staff came out. Before Albert could say anything a second character came out the door. This one was a dog standing on his legs like a human. Then the duck spoke ” Goofy? do you
think this is the right place? ” Then the dog spoke ” Well Donald this is where merlin sent us? ” Albert then presumed that their names were Donald and Goofy and said ” hey Donald?, Goofy? ” Donald turned round
” hey! ( Quack ) who are you? ( Quack ) ” Albert didn’t know any other
duck or dog who talked and this was quiet a suprise to him.
Then Goofy turned round ” Donald? occording to merlin this must be Albert” ” How do you know my name? ” Albert said ” Well ” said Goofy and
he began to explain……………
in a jiffy they were done explaining and also with a few arguments but they told the whole reason.
” so you are here to help us”
“(quack) yep i imagine so” replied daffy.
“hahaha well you wont get anywhere its only two more….things shall we call you. anyway what are you……THWUMP!! it had started raining but this wasnt any normal rain….it was…..LOONEY TUNES!!!
down they all came bugs bunny,daffy,porky pig, lola bunny, all of them
“oh im sorry i think i had a bad trip” said slyvester getting on the kalphite queen. “i think i see a puddy-cat” claimed tweety “I DID…I DID..i did see a puddy-cat”
“argh my face” “oww my arm” all of them were starting to recover from their great fall.
” hey you….OI MISTER EDITOR GUY DUDE PERSON”
“WHO ME” said the editor (editor=me! :D)
“yes you i though we were the only main characters in this story”
“shut your mouth and get on with it…i got bored so i added some more characters….LIVE WITH IT”
well getting on after that minor inturuption……….
“so let me geuss did merlin send you???”
“YES HE DID!!!” they all said in unison.
“well come and untie us”
“oh yes” and they all ran over an once (you know looney tunes…i think the name gives it away ‘looney’) well once they recover from that they got untieing the shackles….i must say they do have good talent they undid it in a record 5.0000123 seconds i think thats better than houdini oh well!
“well you cant stop me and my……..ARMY?” and before she finished she saw a band of kalhpite warriors facing her
“what are you doing” she called
“albert may we join you”
“certainly you may great kalhpites”
and with that they all charged at the kalphite queen……..
(Hey oi you, yes you what is going to happen how are you going to continue the story now; the kalhpite queen is going to die)
i dont know i just need to finish the story im sleepy its late!!!
(J)
(continued from the comments in the last section)
Just then a large object obscured the sky. It seemed to wobble a bit, before making great sweeps across the landscape.
“It’s the lawyers – editing the story!” they all cried and all started to run around. Then they heard a whistle – and a small man in a grey suit appeared, riding on the back of a Llama.
“Who are you” said Albert.
“Ivor Problem” said the man in the grey suit.
“You certainly have” laughed Albert “everyone knows that the Llama gives the most uncomfortable ride. Don’t worry, I’ve got some cream in my bag”
“No – my name is Ivor Problem. I am the Story Auditor. I have noticed that this story has started to get – well, silly and has started to introduce very silly characters into what could be quite an interesting story. Okay, it isn’t that good, but then you just need to look at the writers….”
“Okay” said Albert “what’s going to happen?”
“Well” replied Ivor “Above your head is a giant eraser. Any character in the story that is silly, or just not supposed to be there will be erased. And that includes YOU” he said, pointing at Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“I’ll be back” said Arnold, and walked off again.
“Okay – but who stays and who goes?” said the Kalphite Queen, subtly rubbing her hips on the eraser to make herself just a little thinner.
“Well, I have developed a solution for that” said Ivor. “You need to show me how to tie a Friendship knot – and six other knots – and you can stay”
“But I can’t tie knots” said one of the Kalphite Warriors.
“Goofy (quack), you can (quack) tie knots – show him” Said Donald. Goofy stepped up. Three knots down – and then disaster.
“This isn’t a Round Turn and two half hitches – this is a thumbknot; You’re out” and with a single sweep, Goofy was reduced to a small black trace of rubber. Donald looked confused, then fell over. “You’ve rubbed out my feet!” he cried.
“Quick” said Arthur “get rid of him so he can’t complain…” and WHOOSH! Donald disappeared too.
Bugs Bunny produced a large plastic bag. He ripped open the top to reveal a Supersized ACME black hole – and with a small bound lept through “You won’t get me!!” he cried. The other cartoon characters then jumped after him. Porky pig walked to the edge and lowered himself in. As he disappeared, he called out “ T-T-T-T-That’s all folks!”
Ivor then walked up to the hole, and with the giant eraser wiped it off.
“Right that’s that” he said. “If the story goes like this again, I will be back…..”
“Oi! That’s my line!” shouted Arnold Scwarzenegger
“… with some really difficult challenges – like getting across a huge canyon, with only a kipper”
“Have you thought of joining the Scouts?” Asked Albert.
“My Scout leader was like that” said Ivor. “I sometimes wonder why I am the way I am”. And with that he swung his leg over his Llama.
“Oh Albert – if you have that cream now….”
The Kalphite Queen turned back to her army. “So you’re on their side now then?”
Arthur stepped forward.
“Look your majesty, I guess it’s like this. Your men will follow you anywhere – except to kill me. So how about a compromise. Why don’t you work with us – once the Elfin Kingdom is returned I Arthur, ruler of Great Lands will ensure that you and your people are properly protected.”
“Oh, go on then” said the Queen.
“Great” said Albert “Let’s go an drain the kingdom – before the Spartanites get to hear about this…..
” Jolly good then! ” Exclaimed Albert ” but i’ve just realised I need to be getting back to my dolls house now! ” ” Why? ” Questioned Bernice. Albert
turned round, he had almost forgotten Bernice was there ” Well it’s been a
long day I woke up and had to fight a book with tails coming out of it and
now I’ve just seen some cartoon characters with my own two eyes. I just
need to take a break, ” ” well I guess that’s fair, ” Said bernice and with that Albert walked off. ” When do you think we will see him again? ” Asked
Bernice ” oh! I have a feeling we will see him again soon! ” Said the Kalphite Queen.
After A few hours Albert came across a large volume of tents scattered across a field and a sign saying ‘ Gilwell Winter Camp ‘ “hmm Giwell Winter
Camp? well theres no harm in taking a look? ” and he went forward when
he was in the middle he saw a group of young boys dressed in dark blue trousers, A light blur top, and green and yellow scarfs. There were Also three Adults Dressed in light brown tops green and yellow scarfs identical to the boys and dark blue trousers. For one minute he thought he recognised someone ” Ivor! ” Called Albert. “oh hello Albert!” called Ivor and he walked over…………..
